Have you ever been so exhausted that you really think you might be losing it I am? Really. I really think I'm losing it.
Let's begin with the exhaustion of pregnancy. Only a pregnant woman, woman who has been pregnant, or someone suffering from som severe sympathy pains, understands what I'm talking about. It's the feeling that any second if you don't take a nap, you might keel over or kill someone. Sometimes, I'm able to relinquish the need to go out on 95th street with a sharp object and bag full of rocks by taking a quick nap while Jack is napping. However, lately, he doesn't often nap. Heck, let's face it, my kid can survive on partying-rockstar-internet addict sleep.
This leads me to my next source of exhaustion. The I-transitioned-my-child-to-a-toddler-bed- situation-and-it-was-an-awesome-novelty-for-a-week-but-now-he-won't-stay-in-the-bed sydrome. I think it's worse than the I-have-a-newborn-who-is-attached-to-my-boob-and-screams-for-hours-at-a-time disease. I'm moments away from reassembling the crib, however I think we need to keep that for the next child who is coming this summer. My next thought is to put him in a realy big boy bed. A twin-size sucker with new sheets, spread, the whole works and make it super special for him. Heck he loves mommy and daddy's big kid bed for naps and morning cuddles but will this solve the problem?
Something has got to give.
It's 8 p.m., we did our winding down routine and we know that he's exhausted. He wants to go "nigh-nigh." He gets in his bed, he closes his eyes and then 10 minutes later, we hear the thump, pat, pat, pat and then he hangs over the gate (we had to put up because then he comes downstairs during mine and Dan's alone time (we're eating ice cream here people)) and screams, "Dada, mama" over and over again. So we ignore it for a while and then it's quiet. We are at ease for a moment. Then we go upstairs for bed and see the light on, the books all over the floor and a container of empty (might I add expensive biodegradable) wipes and our wide-eyed wee one sitting there staring a good hour or so past his bedtime.
It doesn't stop there.
Sometimes we have to do the jack in the box routine 10-17 times a night. We are religious about following the "Healthy Sleep Habits. . ." no talking, put him back in bed routine. Then once he's in there and we think it's over, an hour, sometimes two or three later, he needs us again. Sometimes it's a quick cuddle and back in the sack. Other times it's a long drawn-out series of in-out, in-out, in-out until we are all so tired we give up, and throw him in bed with us. Sometimes it works, he passes out, we pass out, the dog continues snoring. Other times, he thinks it's time to play or watch a show or he cries that the dog is in his way, I yell at the dog, Dan somehow sleeps through this, I yell at Dan. Someone ends up on the couch and if it's me, then it's me and Jack.
Are you tired yet?
So if I'm not tired by those things then comes the exhaustion of just life. Worrying if I put my kid in the right pre-school, will we have enough money this year to get new windows, did I put in the request on the bank site to pay the doctor's bill, what is that sound in the car and why is that red light still on, what's for dinner, do I need to make a will, who will get my children, will the next baby be a horrible sleeper. . .
Will I lose it before then, have I lost it already?